Teaching Our Sons to Be Equal Partners in the Juggle

There’s an article in the most recent New York magazine about a series of events that have caused turmoil at one of the city’s — indeed, the country’s — most elite private high schools, Horace Mann. The latest there issue involves Facebook pages set up by students that viciously deride faculty and peers.

According to the article, one of the pages was set up by high school students to mock the school’s Women’s Issues Club, and includes a boast about beating women, calling them bitches and lamenting feminism, saying, “WHERE DO THEY BELONG?!?!???!!! IN THE KITCHEN!! IN THE KITCHEN!!!”

Of course, kids ganging up on one another or bad-mouthing an unpopular teacher is nothing new. Now, however, the attacks end up in cyberspace for millions to see. The article goes on to look at how the school handled the situation.

I found the denigrating and violent comments disturbing for obvious reasons. A few weeks ago we wrote about sexism’s impact on the Clinton campaign. And on Monday we blogged a about a possible backslide in the women’s movement. It’s hard to say if there’s a backlash among young men, too, just from the cyber-words of this one group. But their words got me thinking about how men’s attitudes towards equality — and, by extension, their commitment to being an equal and supportive partner in the work/family balancing act — are created. As many readers have said, a key for juggling women is to have a partner who supports their career and shares equally in the housework and childcare.

So how can today’s parents engender an egalitarian attitude in their sons’ future relationships? If my husband and I ever have a boy, I’d hope he’d learn by the example, of course, but he’d probably also hear directly from me about the importance of respect for women in the workplace and at home.

I’m curious about readers’ attention to this issue. Have you made a concerted to effort to raise the type of guy who’d respect a working wife and want to be an equal partner in the juggle? Do you have a sense of your teenagers attitudes towards gender issues? Do you feel the need to discuss issues of sexism to counter peer influences out there, a la the Horace Mann Facebook page?