Coping with Anger at Home and at Work

iStockphoto

At home or at work, the juggle is a lot more difficult when we let things drive us to a loss of temper. Yet as much as we remind our kids to use gentle voices and solve problems with constructive conversation, stress-wracked working parents find themselves blowing gaskets all too often.

My good friend Neal Pollack, author of the memoir Alternadad and writer of a blog by the same title at Parents.com, shared a case in point in a post earlier this month. Neal and his son, Elijah, were picking up stray tennis balls at the park when a tennis pro took exception, and ended up calling Neal a bad dad. That set Neal off into such a tirade that Elijah later told him, No ice cream for you tonight.

I havent lost it in quite the same way as my old pal, but Ive threatened my own access to ice cream on more than a couple of occasions. Sad to say, its most often my dear son and daughter who launch my bursts of anger. The combination of my high concern for their welfare and my low tolerance for irrational behavior (which 3- and 6-year-olds have been known to exhibit) brings out a character known to the kids as Yelly Daddy, who lacks my usual mild manner and uncontorted face. In the car yesterday, for example, I failed to politely ask my son to sit up straight and stop leaning out of his booster seat to pester his sister. Instead, Yelly Daddy took a high-decibel shortcut in delivering the message, and the car did get rather quiet after that for a bit. Despite the effectiveness, I would have liked to handle it differently.

Since my colleagues at the office are somewhat more rational and better able to look after their own safety, Yelly News Editor hardly ever shows up. I still remember the one time I spoke sharply to an art director who had left a paper jam in the copier without trying to fix it or let anyone know about it; I sent her an apologetic email a few minutes later. Its true that not everyone at work manages to tamp down their screaming demons, the blustery, explosive boss or co-worker being a well-worn archetype. But in my experience, in the long run the shouters tend not to fare quite as well in the workplace as those who keep a more even keel.

I learned a breathing technique some time ago for dealing with moments of anxiety: breathe in for three counts, hold for four counts, exhale for seven counts. Maybe Ill try it the next time I feel a wave of fury coming on, too. Readers, any thoughts on coping with anger, your own or others, at home and at work?